YES PEOPLE!
I HAVE RETURNED FROM THE VAST ETHER OF DEPRESSION TO PROVIDE YOU ALL WITH JOY, LAUGHTER, AND GORGASMS (Giddy Orgasms)!
So it's been about a year since my last official posting on this blog, which was a story I posted about a young man named Abner, who's life was dictated by the dreams he had the night before. A rather morose story, I know, but a story I feel needs telling. I wrote that in a heated state of inspiration and yet quickly ran out of the perspiration needed. I believe this was due to my rather dire state of living at the time.
A quick recap of my year:
-My first relationship ended in complete and utter disaster (my fault) leaving me in shatters and revealing to me and everyone around me what a giant douche I am.
-My mamma (MAM-uh) had a mental breakdown in front of Wal Mart which ended with me begging her to come back to reality while a crew of police and ambulance drivers dragged her into their metal box of healing on wheels.
-Said event's aftermath kinda took over for a few months
-Went to Disney World with a few of my friends. Definitely acquired some perspective while speeding through Space Mountain.
-Got a job at Wal Mart (figured I owed them for the whole "Mom going crazy in front of your establishment"-thing)
-Hated said job as a Tire and Lube Technician (not as sexy as it sounds).
-Entered into my second relationship with a psychotic ginger chipmunk who I am sure has some relation to the devil.
-Quit job and girlfriend at the same time. Killed two retarded birds with a single awesome stone
-Began an internship with Magellan Midstream Partners (not a porn distribution company). Worked extremely hard, got toned and tanned, loved every minute I spent there.
-Met the love of my life at our annual convention. Talked about using hemorrhoid cream on child actors to get rid of the bags under their eyes. Stalked her at her place of work (Buffalo Wild Wings), stole her number from my sister, and finally worked up the nerve to call her one night. Haven't regretted a single second I've spent with her since.
-About to start a job with Southern Petroleum Laboratories, which I hope will support me and my love for the long term. Planning on proposing in the near future after a few pay checks.
As you can see, it's been a very hectic/depressing/inspiring/frustrating/blissful year for me. I know I've grown quite a bit through it all and I hope in the near future to expound on some of the events transcribed above in more detail because they're all funny and extremely heart-cooling in their own special way. Please stick with me and I promise to strive to stick with you. I have so much to say and I feel like I'm going to explode if I do not say it. Help me keep the timer from reaching 0:00.
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